Monday, March 2, 2015

Final Words for Ms. N

Sometimes I just need to write in order to settle my feelings. This is one of those times. It's rather long but my feelings are running deep today. Thank you for letting me share.

My human heart aches and my eyes won’t seem to stop leaking.  Heaven gained another stalwart soul last night when God gathered up Ms. N and took her Home.  It kinda seems appropriate that He came for her on His Day.  There were two books Ms. N lived by – her bible and her copy of our Resident House Rules.  Even though health and independence fled, forcing her away from her beloved home here and into a nursing home, she never stopped caring or trying to “get well enough” to come back.  She called often and it was with delight that I would hear her voice say “Hi, Ms. Cindy” and I could stop and take a minute to chat.  

Ms. N was an original … in more ways than one.  She was one of the original residents when our building opened in 1982 and she was the last original resident to leave.  She knew this building better than any of our maintenance men and kept an eye out for any problem, reporting any and everything to the office – always in person, except when she was under the weather.   Then she would call.  And she would keep calling and reporting until whatever was broken was fixed.   

Ms. N was one of those special people who I like to call a “hedgehog”.  So very prickly on the outside yet that’s just a covering to protect the softness inside.  Ms. N was a softy with a sometimes harsh voice and a huge heart.  She loved fiercely and delighted in sharing and taking care of others.  She just believed that rules were made to be obeyed and had no trouble speaking her mind about those that did not follow them.  She was often misunderstood by those who refused to take a step back and listen to her point of view, those who seem to believe that our house rules don’t apply to them.  This was often hard to watch as one who DID understand her ways and her beliefs and couldn’t help but see her feelings get hurt and her opinions trampled by others who couldn’t/wouldn’t see. 

Up until her last days here, before she had to move, Ms. N never stopped cooking and taking meals to those who were shut in.  She never stopped checking on this building she loved or these residents whose lives she cared.    She loved to argue her point but she also loved to sit quietly with a friend, to watch over them if they ailed or keep them company in their sorrow.   Over the years, Ms. N knit caps for newborns, provided Saturday morning breakfast for any resident that wanted it, maintained changing the flower arrangements and decorations around our common areas during the change of seasons and holidays, and sent birthday, get well, and sympathy cards to any and all residents, based on their need.  Yet since these things were often done behind the scenes, she was often tagged as selfish, rude, and unbending by people who were too self-involved to actually SEE her.  It was hard for Ms. N when our residents evolved from the originals who had pride in the new building to our “new breed” of resident that seems only capable of asking the question “what’s in it for me?” and her feelings were often trampled to the point that she ultimately withdrew from the social activities and kept to herself, caring only for those in her hall or that she knew personally.

Her husband having passed over 30 years ago, Ms. N was used to making her own decisions and doing her own thing.    This included making the decision at 92 that her reflexes weren’t the same as they once were and it was time to give up the keys to her car.  I believe she also determined it was time for the Lord to come get her.  A couple of weeks ago Ms. N’s great-grandaughter gave birth to a healthy little boy.  This great-great grandson’s arrival was what had kept her going.  While she did not get to see him in person as she did his 3 year old sister, she knew that he was here.  She knew that his momma was okay.  She knew that it was time for her to let go.  She was 98 and she was ready.

It hurts my humanly heart that Ms. N is gone.  Over the months since she has moved out, not a day has gone by where I’m not reminded of her.  Her memories still live in this building she loved, this place she called home for 32 years.  Yet she is happy and alive and baking the best bread pudding anyone ever tasted for the Lord. 


Bye, Ms. N!  You blessed my life and taught me much.  I loved you dearly.  

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